By Mike Cookman
One night I was sitting at my window and watching rain pour all over the neighborhood and for some reason I got to thinking about what life was like before I was diagnosed with Acromegaly, and a feeling of melancholy warmed through me and I thought of my early days with Borders and that warmth settled in around my eyes and I started to cry.
Before a diagnosis such as this you don’t think about the cost of prescriptions and medical bills and, above all, being chronically sick. Or, I didn’t, anyway.
I supposed it’s normal to look back fondly on the past, as the song goes “I’ve never seen a sight that didn’t look better looking back.” From Paint Your Wagon, in case you’re wondering.
Anyway, I don’t recall that I was one who looked back much, whatever was there was there to stay and I liked looking forward to the next day.
But now I am constantly reminiscing and seeing things as better than they probably were since I now have this illness.
Funny how moods can pop up now that may not have previously been there. I don’t recall ever being frightfully depressed the way I sometimes get now and I don’t remember just suddenly crying out of nowhere, which doesn’t happen often, but when it does it takes hold with a strong grip.
I’ve heard it said that this illness does that to you. But I have wondered if that is actually the case, or do we now display moods and feelings that were always there but now have reason to come out and play. That’s a fine line to draw, of course, but I find it difficult to believe that every Acromegaly patient is the same in these respects. As in—just because I get these crying jags doesn’t mean everybody else has to. I hope not, anyway.
I don’t think it’s the same for everybody, I think whatever happens, eh, happens. And there is no real explaining it. I know some things are proven, so to speak, but that’s mostly the result of a lot of patients talking and saying, “yeah, I get that, too.”
So now others feel that something is wrong if they don’t “get that.” If they don’t have sudden crying jags then they feel they are doing something wrong or something additional is wrong with them. I’m not saying we are all sheep; I’m pondering this and hoping that this all just goes without saying, as one might say.
The reason I started thinking about this is because I have heard a lot about isolation feelings among Acro patients, but I have not felt that myself. I feel lonely sometimes, everybody does now and then, but that’s not an Acro thing, as we say in the biz.
The isolation is a feeling some get because they feel they are alone and nobody really understands this oddball thing called Acromegaly, alone because at first it seems there are no other people on the planet with said illness and why me? Why do I have this thing when I don’t want to and I would like to meet someone who also has it—not wishing it on anyone, you understand---but there has to be someone out there!!
And I’m sorry, but I have never felt that, in fact I thought it was kind of cool that I had a rare illness, except for the fact that I had a rare illness.
But one person did have those isolation feelings and that is a fellow by the name of Wayne. He did not want to be alone so he created the AcromegalyCommunity.com and now lots of Acromegaly patients enjoy the company of other Acro’s and many friendships have been started.
When I do feel lonely that’s where I go, to hang with my Acro friends, that’s the future and the future is now.
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